In 2020 a child at the time (a woman now, age 22) that we have loved for 16 years reached out to us in distress. You may have read one of my earlier blog posts about our relationship, The Faith of a Mustard Seed: The Story of our Beloved Gemma. My husband and I have longed for her to legally be a "Rackley" for a very long time. Our Gemma has made a guest appearance on this blog before (you should go read her post on forgiveness - it's powerful). Gemma was never legally able to be adopted or else my husband and I would have surely pursued that when we were first introduced to her when she was 6 years old.
Orphaned and having graduated from the orphanage home she had known for the past 14 years; she set out at age 18 into a harsh world, as a sheep among wolves. After much personal prayer, we felt the strong leading of the Lord to have her apply to colleges in our area, two of which she was accepted to. She is academically brilliant and has strong leadership skills; she has so much to offer this world. We began the visa application process believing that her obtaining an F1-student-visa would be no trouble at all, after all the Lord had clearly led us to this point. We had already succeeded at some low-odd endeavors, one of which included obtaining a passport (not always an easy task for an individual that has been orphaned in a third-world country). This student-visa approval was the last step we needed to secure before booking her flight to North Carolina. In fact, William and I were so certain that this final step of the process would come to fruition we had already chosen the flight that we would book for her. She would arrive here mid-June to get settled before college classes would start in early August.
Finally, we would all live together, under one roof. I found myself giddy with excitement. We would share family meals and devotions and have our daughter home with us for her college years. Finally Vada and Gemma would be together! No more FaceTiming or phone calls, we'd be together, in person, at long last. We had big plans! William and I daydreamed about taking her all around - we'd go to Washington, DC, New York City and take her to see the ocean and eat seafood for the first time! She also was in need of some significant medical care at that time that we could easily get for her, after all, we had already secured a health insurance plan for her.
Our ducks were lined up in a neat little row. I had them all in a straight line, and in true control-freak fashion, I would color coordinate my lined up ducks. The Home Edit girls would totally approve. Order, order, order. I just love order and "manageability."
But...
What do we do/say/think when a "divine interruption" knocks on our door? When things don't go the way we planned?
Gemma gathered all of the required documentation needed for the student-visa appointment and began the 4-hour car ride to the US embassy in Abuja for her visa interview. Though she had everything requested of her (and more) – she was denied. She returned home dejected. We were stunned and without words. Surely the officials at the US embassy had made a mistake!? William and I spoke to our State Senator’s office, Tom Tillis, and had them write a letter on her behalf. A second visa interview was scheduled and the required fee was paid, again. She went back a second time a month later, denied. The third attempt, while riding to the embassy, located in the capital of Nigeria, she was involved in a horrible car accident which caused the driver of her vehicle to perish immediately on impact. By God’s loving mercy, Gemma's life was spared. She did, however, suffer a horrible wound to her head. Her head was split open and she was rushed to the hospital. She received many stitches and suffered bad headaches. Even in the midst of such a shocking event, her grit and determination shined through her difficult circumstances and she attended the visa appointment the following day with her head wrapped in gauze. Her visa request was again denied. You can imagine the discouragement she felt. William and I were at a loss.
Denied, denied, denied.
"Why, Lord?" I thought. Why would a kind Father bring us together from across the Atlantic ocean, spare her life over and over again from dangerous, traumatic circumstances, cause her to be accepted to US colleges, help us obtain the difficult paperwork needed for those applications, and then allow this at the final step? Why would he lead us this far and then not come through?
I had far more questions than I had answers. We had followed the Lord and it looked like he didn’t come through for our situation when we needed his power. We asked for his power. We begged for his power. We fasted for his power. We knew this was beyond our capabilities. We stood firmly on Matthew 5:8 when the Lord says, “Truly I say to you if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘move from here to there’, and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” We bannered this verse with eyes lifted Heavenward and the anticipation of God’s mighty hand coming through for us in a way we couldn’t for ourselves. We had promised to give him the glory for the miracle of his power in this visa approval. But, God said no. He had spoken. And now, here we were, with broken hearts over an answer we didn't like and were powerless to change.
The Lord spoke to me in the quiet as I poured out my tears to him with his Word open in my lap. He told me to respond like David responded in 2 Samuel (see below). David is desperately asking the Lord to spare the life of his son who was conceived in sin with David’s now-wife Bathsheba. Nathan the prophet has warned David that this child’s life will end.
Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.” Nathan replied, “The Lord has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. But because by doing this you have shown utter contempt for[a] the Lord, the son born to you will die.”After Nathan had gone home, the Lord struck the child that Uriah’s wife had borne to David, and he became ill. David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent the nights lying in sackcloth on the ground. The elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them. On the seventh day the child died. David’s attendants were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they thought, “While the child was still living, he wouldn’t listen to us when we spoke to him. How can we now tell him the child is dead? He may do something desperate.” David noticed that his attendants were whispering among themselves, and he realized the child was dead. “Is the child dead?” he asked. “Yes,” they replied, “he is dead.” Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate. His attendants asked him, “Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!” He answered, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live.’ But now that he is dead, why should I go on fasting? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.” 2 Samuel 12:12-23
Did you catch David’s response in verse 20? After he learns that his baby has died, he worshipped. Who does that? It can only be a person who knows the righteousness and sovereignty of a good God. This was the Scripture the Lord brought me to the morning I Iearned of Gemma’s final (for now) visa denial. So, through heavy tears, not glossing over how much my heart was breaking and how much I didn’t understand what the Lord was doing, I worshipped. I praised the Lord for His goodness and sovereignty over this situation that I really wanted to turn out differently. By the grace of God, I humbled myself before the Lord, yielding my heart to his perfect timing and confessing my belief that he knows better than me. I didn’t feel these things, but I chose to believe they were true, and I surrendered myself to his answer. I chose to speak Truth out loud in the absence of my feelings.
Because we have the truth of God's Word - that reveals the character of Yahweh - we can be peace-filled and praise-filled in the midst of the storm and heartbreak around us.
God’s promises reveal his character which produces authentic praise. We can offer him the sacrifice of praise no matter what is happening around us (see Scriptures below to encourage your heart). Christians really can weather the storms of life differently than the rest of the world -- Not stoically, not apathetically, but with a "holy calm." As the real tears pour out of our heart and hard circumstances scratch at and cut us, we can have a deep peace and a real hope that a benevolent, kind God is doing something good in our lives and holding us in the heartache.
That Matthew 5:8 verse that I mentioned above...I've come to realize that the "faith the size of the mustard seed" is a faith in the faithfulness of God. As Priscilla Shirer puts it, we can be "faith-filled because he is faithful." We can know that a tiny amount of faith that is placed in his faithfulness will shake things up in a huge way. This is a testimony, not in our faith, but in his faithfulness!
"Let's take our place outside with Jesus, no longer pouring out the sacrificial blood of animals but pouring out sacrificial praises from our lips to God in Jesus' name."
Hebrews 13:15
“Listen, my people, and I will speak; I will testify against you, Israel: I am God, your God. I bring no charges against you concerning your sacrifices or concerning your burnt offerings, which are ever before me. I have no need of a bull from your stall or of goats from your pens, for every animal of the forest is mine, and the cattle on a thousand hills. I know every bird in the mountains, and the insects in the fields are mine. If I were hungry I would not tell you, for the world is mine, and all that is in it. Do I eat the flesh of bulls or drink the blood of goats?
“Sacrifice thank offerings to God, fulfill your vows to the Most High, and call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me.”
Psalm 50:7-15
What are you wrestling with today with the Lord? What answers did you hope he would answer differently than he has? What prayers are you being tempted to believe he doesn't care about?
Together, like David, we can banner a faith that says, in the midst of our disappointment and heartbreak...
You are good. You are trustworthy. You are doing something better. You see the future. You know everything. I rest in your faithfulness, even in this situation.
What is God asking you to offer a sacrifice of praise for today? Will you choose it?
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