Wanting the approval of other people...it's a relatable feeling for all of us. Some of us, though, struggle more than others...I'm at the front of the line with my hand raised high in the air. But, I'm showing up for this blog post today fingers tapping away at the computer keys celebrating God's redemtive work in my life. There has been such progress in this area that I have historically had so much of a struggle in. I hope this read today will not be a waste of your time but an encouragement to you...you need not seek the approval of man, but God alone. To live this way is to experience joyous freedom!
Galations 1:10
"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ."
I was raised in good ole' North Carolina, home of southern charm, debutante balls, barbecue, Lily Pulitzer, and sweet tea. Where I'm from good manners, humility and an ever-present smile are the expectation. In addition to southern culture, I am a natural people pleaser. A smile, a gentle head nod, a take-my-chair type nature - these are my knee-jerks and let me say - they're not bad traits! I'm glad I am friendly! However, if you are anything like me in this arena, knowing someone doesn't like me or have a good opinion of me makes me shift uncomfortably in my seat. It still does. But I used to would have fallen out of the chair, so there is progress! Why do I feel this way?
If you choose to let someone else's opinion of you define you - you are giving them way too much power over your life. Other people's opinions do NOT define who you are, or they shouldn't. God's opinion defines who you are! He said in his Word, you are fully known and fully accepted in Christ. Amen.
If you live desperate for other's opinions of you to be seen as good - you will spend your time and energy managing their opinions. The core of this sin comes with a need to control other's and their perceptions of you. It also is served up on a platter of inauthenticity.
This is the opposite of living free. And it's not God's will, nor his best for YOU!
Managing others perceptions will leave you frustrated, disappointed and exhausted. There is nothing more frustrating than being or feeling misunderstood. The judgement of others can feel severe on our deep longings to please.
We have to remember and prioritize this truth:
We have but One to please. The Great I AM
Let's take a minute to think deeper about social media and its appeal as it relates to what I am saying here. We can so easily "put out a vibe" or a perception that we want to be known for without the risk of being really known. The "connection" of social media has left us less connected than ever. A little tap on the screen with the tip of our pointer finger and we get the approval our hearts deeply want from one another. It's what we want (we think) without all the messy work of an actual relationship. The sad part...it's not what we were made for. We were made for real, face-to-face connection.
We all want to be seen and known and believed to be 'good.'
And good, good news for us both! God has done that FOR US in CHRIST! He not only knows you, He delights in you! When he sees you he says "Good!" because he sees Christ! Also, he made you uniquely you, personality, talents and all!
Zephaniah 3:17 says
"Your God is present among you,
a strong Warrior there to save you.
Happy to have you back, he’ll calm you with his love
and delight you with his songs."
God's stamp of approval and adornment over us is so freeing! We are free to love wholly and selflessly! It's not wrong to have opinions - it's not wrong to voice them in loving, non-threatening ways. It's perfectly normal for not everybody to like us all of the time. That's all ok.
Wanting to be loved is no sin. We were created for connection with other people. Deep connection. To be seen and loved in trusted relationships is one of life's great blessings.
But...wanting to be seen as kind-hearted and having to validated in order to be ok -- these are two separate things with a thin line in between. When we become desperate to be liked and approved of by others it becomes dangerous ground that will always end in disappointment and hurt. You will never be able to make all people happy all of the time so our efforts to do so are futile. Everyone will always have their opinions. That includes about you!
To try to please all people all of the time is to live defeated and discouraged.
I'm not saying we shouldn't check our own hearts for sin in relationships and repent/course-correct where needed. Romans 12:18 says that we should seek to live peaceably with everyone if possible as far as it depends on you. This is more about your heart with the Lord and letting that play out in your relationships as you are able - it does not mean you need that persons approval to be ok. It means you can love freely and selflessly because our Heavenly Fathered has declared us ok! Two super different things!
Love God. Serve others. But don't let others define you - their opinion, nor approval/disapproval. You have an audience of One. No earthly relationship should ever cause us to question our identity. And side note here: Just because you are a Christian does not mean everyone you are in a relationship with gets full access to the inner parts of your heart.
If a relationship does make you question your identity, too much stock is being put in the other person's opinion of you versus God's stamp of approval over your life.
Let's live like the free, God-confident people we are created to be! Redeemed, loved, danced over, cherished, chosen and forgiven and approved of in Our dear Savior!
I long to leave the legacy: She loved Jesus!
Not: she was well-liked by all who knew her.
How about you?
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