The faith of a mustard seed: the story of our beloved Gemma

How do we respond when God answers our prayers in a way we don't like? These type of "not that, Lord" answers pull back the covers and show us our hearts as they relate to God's authority and our own arrogant thinking with our"I know better than you" thoughts. Do I know better than the Creator of the Universe who holds the galaxies in place and sustains everything with his very breath? Isaiah 40:26 says...

"Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one and calls forth each of them by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing."

That is the God who I often act like I know better than. The One who calls out the starry host by name, one-by-one. Yet I don't think he sees me and this thing weighing heavily on my heart. I don't believe he can take care of it like I can. Ashamedly, this is a pattern in my life.

I want to introduce to you our dear daughter, Gemma. Though not legally ours, and just 13 years younger than my husband and I, the Lord has woven her heart and ours in a way that only He can do. He is in the business of redemption and we are his blessed recipients.

We asked for God to bring her here (more on that below). God said no. We asked in faith. God said no. We asked in fervent, constant prayer for months. God still said no. Or at least, not yet. "I know we heard you lead us to this, Lord," was my broken response.

Beautiful Gemma

You, Lord, are the One who connected us to this precious soul 15 years ago when she was five. You are the One who reconnected us 2 years ago when she was knocking at death's door. My prayers were full of anger, accusation, and confusion. She read Tear-Watered Blooms, and said she felt hope for the first time in a long time. I prayed that the Lord would use Tear-Watered Blooms to touch one soul and he used it to touch our Gemma. (How gracious of him!) Why wouldn't you bring her here to us, Lord?

Shortly after reading Tear-Watered Blooms, she emailed. This was a HUGE deal to us. We had only written and received old-fashioned, snail-mail letters for the past 15 years. Not five minutes passed after receiving her first email that William and I were trying to get her WhatsApp information so that we could FaceTime and see her/hear her voice live! We were giddy with excitement! William and I had never met Gemma in person, but God had knit our hearts to this young woman years ago when she was a child. We had been a part of sponsoring her for the past 15 years that led us to this moment. Though we had tried many times to have more interactive communication, the organization she lived under had very strict rules about sponsor/child communications.

Elizabeth Sunday or "Gemma" was orphaned at the age of 5. By God's loving kindness, she went to live at Rafiki Village orphanage and school in Jos, Nigeria shortly thereafter. Gemma is the middle child of three beautiful girls, each 2 years apart. When their parents, Victoria and Sunday passed away, Sarah, the eldest sister went to live with extended family, and Gemma and Anna (the baby) went to live at the Rafiki Village in Nigeria when they were 5 and 3 years old.

Baby Gemma

How did William and I get connected to Gemma?

I had spent part of the summer after my freshman year in college at Rafiki Village orphanage and school in the outskirts of Nairobi, Kenya. Kenya, not Nigeria. When I got home from that trip, I wanted to be a part of sponsoring a child after seeing the great need for these children to have sponsors. Rafiki Villages exist in many different African countries. I requested to sponsor a child in Nigeria, as I always had a special, unexplainable drawing towards two particular countries in Africa: Ethiopia and Nigeria. Now I have daughters from both!

I was a sophomore in college, 19-years-old, when I started being apart of 5-year-old Gemma's life. She was the cutest little girl! Her pictures melted me. She would write me letters or precious little drawings (and bookmarks! Lots of homemade bookmarks lol), and I would write her back. Letters written and mailed usually arrived 2-3 months later. That lasted through college and when my now husband/then boy-friend and I got engaged, I told him that this was something I would like to continue doing. He happily agreed and Gemma (then 10-years-old) began writing to William also and, the relationship expanded from me and Gemma, to me and William and Gemma.

Our snail mail, overseas, pen-pal relationship continued in this manner for the next 10 years. At some point in that 10 years, William and I noticed that our relationship became deeper. Letters that had been more surface level discussions around school happenings, hobbies, stories about friends, joke exchanges began ending with "I love you's" and "I really hope you write again soon." We began writing back and forth about some of life's bigger questions, the Lord, our dreams and we found ourselves giddy with excitement whenever her letters landed in our mailbox. William and I had a you-better-not-break-this-agreement that we had to wait to be together, before reading her letters. If one of us wasn't there, you wait and the other one would barely get through the door before we started ripping into the envelope and reading the letter aloud to the other person.

They were truly special to us. She was truly special to us.

Let me describe Gemma to you. She is so unique, in all of the best ways! She is a deep thinker. She is smart (valedictorian of her high school class). She loves to read. She is a gifted poet. She is a giver. She is thoughtful. She's kind. She's quiet. She has a dry sense of humor accompanied by an amazing laugh. She is wise beyond her years (suffering has a way of doing this if our hearts remain soft towards the Lord). She takes care of others, sometimes at the expense of herself. She's not afraid to bring her big questions to the throne room of The King. She has the faith of a lion, oftentimes stunning me with her trust in the Him in the midst of extreme difficulties. She is an amazing person!

Gemma has suffered. A lot. Those experiences are hers to share, in her time, if she chooses but hear me when I say, she has been through more trauma than most people know in a lifetime. Orphaned, abused, constant religious violence, the list goes on. She has endured tremendous loss and she maintains a tremendous faith. God's hand of grace is so evident on her. She trusts in her Heavenly Father, who has her soul, whom no one can destroy.

As I mentioned above, in July, 2020 we received our first ever email from Gemma! We nearly fell off the couch when it showed up in my inbox. William and I had been having a "stirring" in our hearts that the Lord was wanting us to do "something more." I don't know exactly how to word it but it was evident to us, and we had been praying, "Lord, will you be really clear with us and just 'send us an email?'" Ha! Well, we had been praying that prayer for about 3 months and we didn't think it would actually be an email, but, we had prayed that with the heart saying "be clear with us, Lord, what this stirring in our hearts is about!"

We have spoken to Gemma nearly every day since that day that she emailed us nearly 2.5 years ago (at the time of this blog post)! Through text, email, FaceTime or phone call, we are very much "in the know" of her day-to-day life. She now lives outside the orphanage, attending a public university in her home city. We tried, with every ounce of our strength and creative thinking, to bring Gemma here to live with us and go to college but the Lord did not open that door as we had asked. He had a different plan than we did.

She applied to Wake Tech, Durham Tech and NC Central. She was accepted at all three schools. We moved forward with high hopes of her starting at Durham Tech in the fall of 2020 and planned to have her live with us as she attended classes there. Our plan was to have her complete her prerequisites at the community college and then hopefully move on to a university to get her bachelor's degree. We got her passport (not an easy feat), we completed her visa application, we set up her visa interview at the United States embassy in Abuja, Nigeria and last but not least, her flight was all lined up and one click away from being booked.

When she went to the US Embassy for her F-1 student visa interview (a 5 hour car ride on a very dangerous highway), she was rejected. In fact, they barely reviewed her paperwork. We were all stunned. The tears flowed and we wore our broken hearts on our sleeves. We had all the paperwork they had asked for, her college admissions acceptance letter, our banking information (we had to provide proof that we had the ability to sponsor her during her time in the US on this student visa) - we did all they asked! I even had already bought a few, small decorations for her bedroom that I was itching to get set-up in anticipation of her coming. I didn't consider, that this might not happen. I was so confident and believed we were walking in faith, honoring the direction the Lord was leading us to walk in. This was the last step. I was baffled, confused, and even hurt that the Lord didn't, how I was seeing it, carry us to the finish line.

"Lord, you were the One who gave William and I the green light to pursue this? You even gave us this idea to do college here as a family, right? She feels like a daughter to us! Even though we can't legally adopt her, because of her age and because Rafiki wouldn't allow that all those years ago, this was our chance to be together and give her something good! A strong education and family life that would bring a lot of opportunities to her future and relational, mutual blessing. You're saying no? Why would you do this to us?"

These were the raw questions and thoughts that were ping-ponging around in my heart. I brought them to the Lord. I cried, a lot. I obsessed over how we could get the interviewer to approve her case next time. I was hurt the Lord didn't approve her visa because I know he could have.

We tried a second time at the US embassy for the student visa. A third time. No. No. No. We have come to learn that it is, sadly, incredibly difficult, nearly impossible, for an young individual, with deceased parents, to get a student visa, unless they own a large amount of land or have significant financial ties that would bring them back to their home country. Because Gemma does not own land or a house in Nigeria, the embassy did not believe her intent was to return to Nigeria after she completed her schooling in the States, though she reassured them that she desired to return home and be near her sisters. Regardless of her intentions and efforts to go through the right, legal channels to come study in America, she was denied that opportunity.

The third time, as she travelled to Abuja, she was in a horrific car accident. The driver perished on impact. Gemma split her head open, leaving a gash so deep and wide that she needed stitches. Thankfully, she was picked up off the side of the highway, as she tried to control the profusely bleeding head wound, by a good samaritan and driven to a local hospital where she received wonderful care. We praised God for his protection and provision. Being the warrior that she is, she attended her visa appointment the next day with her head wrapped in gauze, a horrific headache, and a very sore body. This is the strong woman that she is.

How do we make sense of these things? The "no" or at least the "not now" from God? How do we process things he closes the door on when it is something so seemingly good/affirmed in his Word? He said no to the way I thought that this chapter should look in her life...and in our lives.

I think God should do things the way I envision the plan best unfolding.

Yet, he sees the whole picture. I see only a snapshot.

Do I trust him?

I really struggled with why the Lord wouldn't "come through" for us on this visa appointment(s). We had walked in faith, we prayed earnestly, we fasted, we had a myriad of people praying and fasting for her visa appointment(s), I clung desperately to the verse from Matthew 17:20-21 "For truly I tell you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you." William even bought me a ring with a mustard seed in the middle of it because we believed we were walking in faith as we expected him to bring this miracle to fruition in our lives. But: God said no.

What are you believing for in faith? Will you trust him with his answer? What if it looks different than what you think is best?

How do we walk by faith, pray BIG prayers, expect miracles, and accept when God doesn't open the door we are asking him to open? How do we walk by faith in our lives, and be ok when he doesn't answer the way we think he should?

Is God's authority what you and I really want? Will we humbly submit to his authority? Or is his power just a means to our end for whatever it is that we are wanting? Even if "it" is a good thing.

HE IS DOING SOMETHING LOVING HERE. WE CAN TRUST HIM!

We do walk by faith when things don't make sense by going back to his character. We choose trust. We trust HIS CHARACTER. His Word tells us that he is good and he is love. His Word tells us that he knows all things. His Word tells us that he is sovereign over the universe and the details of our very lives. If he calls the stars out into the night sky by name, he knows what he is doing in our lives. If he is good, in control and knows all things. I can trust him with Gemma. You can trust him with your situation.

Trust = Faith

Do you and I walk by faith, or do we not? Does Gemma walk by faith, or does she not? She told me, after the last visa appointment, "God has a plan, Mom...we can trust him. He must have something better." She was 21 years old and I was crying on the other line and she was charging me to put my trust in the One who holds us in the palm of his loving, tender hands. Conviction flooded me. Tears flowed harder. I melted into God's arms.

What BIG prayers are you praying for, in faith, perhaps just the size of a tiny mustard seed, today? What good things is your heart yearning for? Keep praying those BIG prayers in faith.

Should we expect a miracle: YES!

Should we pray those BIG prayers: YES!

Should we walk in faith, choosing roads that only He can get credit for the outcome: YES!

*Should we trust his answers, knowing he is good and right and kind in all of his ways: YES!

If the Lord answers your BIG faith prayers in ways that you just can't understand or make sense of...cling to the person you know he is.

He is trustworthy! He has a good plan here. He sees you. He hears your prayers. He's doing something better than YOU can think to ask for.

The Lord has big plans for Elizabeth Inga Sunday. That we know. I don't know how they will unfold exactly, or the details of what they will look like, but I know I can trust the Lord. I know how I would have chosen to write this story. Some days, I still wrestle in prayer over this and I re-submit myself to his loving authority over me. I know that God is writing the story different than my outline. I do, now, truly believe it is better than what I would have written. I know, William and I will be here cheerleading Gemma through her life as long as there is air in our lungs. I know part of our family is in Nigeria.

In God's rich kindness, William and I got to spend a week with Gemma in April 2022. We booked a trip for the three of us to visit the Agape Village Foundation in Zambia. So, there, in the Addis Ababa airport in Ethiopia, we laid our eyes on our Gemma, in person, for the first time in 16 years. We embraced with all of the love, joy and affection that had been bottled up for the past 16 years. We hugged the hug we had been longing to give for years. It was a tight and long hug! The tears flowed like a waterfall, much like they are now as I remember and type this with so much joy and gratitude spilling out of my heart. It was one of the sweetest moments of my life. The three of us had the most precious, memorable week together in the bush of Zambia, loving on the kiddos at Agape. Kiddos that connected with Gemma in a way, William and I never could have. She knows their story because she has lived their story. What a ministry opportunity she had/has! It was God's perfect plan for us to meet in that Addis Ababa airport. It was his perfect plan for us to be together that week in Zambia. The goodbye at the end of the week stung sharply, but I know God will bring us back together in his perfect way, his perfect timing and his perfect place. She knows that too.

Gemma and some of the littles playing "hair salon" at Agape in Zambia

I pray you know that too in whatever circumstance you can't seem to make sense of right now in your life. He sees, he cares, he is doing something good!

I trust him. He has Gemma. He loves her more than we ever could.

I share this blog post, with Gemma's permission, as a testimony to God's loving, good authority in our lives, even in the midst of not understanding his ways.

Will you trust him with "that thing" that weighs heavily on your heart? "That thing" that you have been asking him for, in bold faith? "That thing" that is good?

Entrust it to him, dear friend. Pray your big prayers - that kind of faith blesses him! But also, receive his answer, believing his authority and plan is good and right. This walking by faith thing is hard, but it's beautiful too, and it's full of his peace and joy.

Lean in to his strong arms, feel his embrace, and trust his kind heart towards you and your loved ones. I am doing the same. In so doing, Lord, receive MUCH glory from our lives. We submit to your loving authority over us. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Together, in God's holy and perfect timing